I really am happy...

...but it's just hard sometimes when the tables are turned. 

anyway, enough self-pity.  i love my friends and i have them nearer than ever (at least geographically, if not otherwise) in the past eight months. and that's a blessing unlike any other.

i'm 23; i have a great apartment with an even greater roommate. i'm in a new place with plenty to discover, with my home just 30 minutes down the road, and with most of my best friends very close by as well. i miss those that are gone (Austin, Boston, India!!) like crazy though. sucks. weird too that my high school friends are all gone (except Ellen, of course). but i've made new friends, even recently.  eventually i should meet people around here, rather than just in Chapel Hill, though.  that'll probably have to be through church.

even better though-- this is where i'm supposed to be. i'm taking it a day at a time, because eternity meets me here, in this moment. i'm anxious to see what's next. i wish i could say "eager" or "excited," but it feels more like anxiety. that's not godly or God-honoring, i know. i wish i could automatically put into action what i know i want to be/do. kinda like paul... "that which i want to do, i don't do... but what i hate, i do! what is this contradiction in myself!" not to mention that this whole figuring-out-who-i-am is a bitch.

all that to say, i'm overtired from a very social but very fun weekend, and i'm feelings sulky and overdramatic and i'm going to bed way early tonight and tomorrow i'm going to work out b/c i need some freaking endorphins.

oh, and i'm old.  my mom was my age (+8 months) when she got married.  her mom had been married for 6 years when she was my age.  not to say i wish i were married (i don't-- first things first-- get a boyfriend), but it just makes me feel a wee aged.

kelly dalton (sweetheart that she is!) got me the sara bareilles cd for my birthday. "love on the rocks" is a jam. just a little fyi. (haha- just read that iTunes Store agrees with me... "Perhaps the best and most original track is the ultra-peppy (think "Benny and the Jets") "Love on the Rocks...") i also like "vegas" and "morningside" and "city."  it's a great cd.  thanks, kelly!! (although "between the lines" hits a little too close to the chest...)

tomorrow is tuesday. ICK!!!!