On March 23rd, 2007, my ex-boyfriend, Jason Ray, a UNC senior, was hit by a car being driven by a driver with a suspended license, and died three days later.
It's a lot to take in; a lot to digest. Jason and I were friends since August 2003 and spent three years in a relationship. Eve and I and 12 other UNC students spent four months living in El Costillar de Rocinante residencia in La Habana, Cuba. Their lives and deaths had many similarities... Both were larger-than-life, gregarious personalities; both were late a LOT. =) I loved them both, and I know they loved me. Their deaths captured the nation's attention and was covered by major media networks. Both loved life and milked every last second of joy out of it.
The tragedy is in the loss of life, but it's even more stark because of how much we as humans have lost in those two souls. Eve would have changed the world; I'm convinced of it. She was amazing. So friendly, passionate, sympathetic, beautiful, intelligent, and fun. She cared for others and loved the student body. She was a wonderful UNC Student Body president, even though it was such a hard, tiring job.
Even though I didn't see her as often after we left Cuba, she periodically wrote on my wall that she was thinking of me. She cried with me when Jason died and gave me letters that had been sent to her (as SBP) from strangers. Eve had more friends than anybody I've ever known, because she loved people so incredibly much and made you feel that your problems were her problems and your joys were hers. She knew what it was to "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." And she didn't waste a second of the short time she had.
Makes you wonder if people like Jason and Eve, who cram so much life into 21 or 22 years, kind of know that they don't have much time. They definitely acted at times like it was their last day on earth. I'm glad for that, even though I told them both they needed to slow down!
I don't question that God knows what he's doing, but I wish I knew what it was. I miss Jason so much, and now I miss Eve too. I saw her last month; we had a fun dinner with three other Cuba kids... I am so glad we got together as much as possible.
It does put my life in perspective. I might be next. The thought that my friends are going to continue to die at this rate is a fear I don't need to entertain, but it does creep up from time to time. Life is not certain... I may have to see my future husband and kids die. My parents will die, my brothers will die; we'll all die eventually.
I thank God for the life and death of Jesus Christ, through whom we can approach the throne of grace with confidence in the time of need. I can think of no other need than when I stand, in my moral filthiness (who among us really understands how awful of a person we are?), in front of God when I die! And at that moment, my only plea will be the name and person of Jesus Christ. He died so I can have eternal life.
I know my God made a way for me/Salvation is here!
...
I see the King of glory/coming on the clouds with fire/the whole earth shakes!
I see His love and mercy/washing over all our sin/the people sing!
Hosanna in the highest!
I see a generation/rising up to take their place/with selfless faith
I see a near revival/stirring as we pray and seek/we're on our knees
Hosanna in the highest!!
...
may we be a generation that seeks your face, oh God of Jacob.
We are not immortal, however much we feel as such.
1 comment:
Janel, this is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your heart and your life. You have much to offer, and I'm glad you're willing to do so with open arms.
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